You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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