she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
