he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
