is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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