i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
