I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
