never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
