Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
