Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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