We named our party play list daddy issues
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
