Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
