A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
