Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
