So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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