i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
