6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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