ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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