i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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