I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
