Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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