did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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