At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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