you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
