i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
