Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
