I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
