Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
