I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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