So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize