this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
