we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
