her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
