How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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