Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize