she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
