i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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