you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
