I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
