pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
