I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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