dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
