he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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