my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
