We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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