I smell stomach acid.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
whose ass print is on the piano?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
