If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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