So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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