I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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