Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
