he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
