That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
