I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize