Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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