Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
