it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
