wrigley field is MILF paradise
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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