I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Someone came in the potted fern
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
