LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
