I wish I could teleport
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
