dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
