lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
