birth control should be required to get into college
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
