After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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