His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
