take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
