Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
