we're chasing vodka with high fives
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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