I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize