when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
