Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
