he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
