Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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