If i come over, it means nothing
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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