Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize