I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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