a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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