I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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