So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
