Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize