When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
