You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
