I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
