dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
