Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
