Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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