did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize