i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
