We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Can I color on your dick again?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
