There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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