How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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