Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize