Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize