you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
