the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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