WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
