I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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